Feliz Navidad

 After a lengthy hiatus, I have gotten back to painting! 

To test my mojo, I started with mini watercolors that I will give to my Kids and Grands - as gift tags which double as ornaments. Shhhhh.  . . 

For myself, and Remembering Jamie, I painted blueberries. Every summer we were on the Oregon Coast, we took junkets to the pick-your-own blueberry farms. 

BTW, I'm doing okay with the holidays so far. I miss Jamie terribly. The ornaments we collected in our travels provide sweet memories,  many smiles, and quite a few tears. I'm looking forward to Granddaughters' arriving this week and to spending time with my CA family.

Feels like i live here!

 I've been in my apartment a month now. It's been a busy month of buying furniture & accessories and dishes & glasses and so much more. Tons of details taken care of too (moving out of an RV and changing resident states is challenging).

The place hasn't felt like I live here --- it's felt like living in a hotel, not really my place. Everything is new, nothing is familiar. I've felt disconnected, displaced, somewhat disoriented.

But yesterday and today I hung my paintings that I just got back from the framer. Now this feels like HOME! It feels like MY PLACE!

I sit in my comfy chair and revisit Norway, Denmark, Ireland, Scotland, and Italy. I stretch out on my sofa and travel back to Canyon Country of Utah and Lee's Ferry AZ where rafters enter Marble Canyon as they begin their journey down the Colorado and through the Grand Canyon. 

My paintings take me back to places Jamie and I loved, and where we spent so much time together. Such fond memories of the incredible life we had together. How I miss that man!

Missing my fella

TEN WEEKS! And I still wake up thinking you must already be in the kitchen grinding beans for our Daily Cappuccino. 

I miss our mornings most of all. I miss our chats. I miss making plans for our day together.  And yes, I miss my cappuccino. 

We should be taking a hike today, dontcha think? Remember this one? --- over Red Mountain near Bryce Canyon Utah. Great hike, outstanding views, lovely day together.

I miss you so damned much!

So Unfair

My husband, Jamie (James) Bethel suffered a fatal heart attack Friday, September 1st, 2023. He passed very quickly, didn't suffer. There were no symptoms, no warning signs, and a recent physical found no heart problems. Jamie was only 68. As you might imagine, my heart is broken.

Jamie was my soulmate, fellow adventurer, best buddie for over 33 years; we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We had one helluva ride and had plans for so much more. We were not done.

 I want to publically thank all the friends who reached out to me in those first days - your loving emails are cherished. Thanks to those who recounted special memories of great times with Jamie, many before I knew him. I needed that in those first few days when I was in shock and disbelief; it helped. It warmed my heart. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This is Jamie in his inflatable kayak on Eel Lake - our favorite Oregon Coastal lake and the last time we kayaked. 

My Memory Pilgrimage

September 20, 2023 I embarked on my 'Memory Pilgrimage' along the South Oregon Coast. I scattered some of Jamie's ashes in his very favorite places - places he planned to be enjoying right now. Pictures shared in the following posts.

It was a sentimental journey, and most likely a goodbye to the area we both fell in love with way back in 2004. 

Kayaking the Coastal Lakes

September 22, 2023  was long and bittersweet for me. I visited a number of Jamie's favorite spots in the Reedsport & Winchester Bay areas, and released some of his ashes so that a little of him would always be there.

One of the things Jamie - and I - love about the South Oregon Coast is the coastal lakes, fresh water lakes just a stone's throw from the ocean. Awhile back we treated ourselves to Hobie pedalyaks and loved to spend hours on these lakes. 

Eel Lake and Tahkenitch Lake are the best; I launched Jamie into Eel Lake for his final voyage. 

Jamie, champion fisherman

Jamie loved fishing, especially at Fisherman's Point at Winchester Bay, at the Umpqua  River Estuary. He caught his share of both Coho and Chinook. 

(I fish too, but I'm not as dedicated - obsessive - as he was.)

He had his heart set on landing a wild Chinook this fall salmon run.

I released some of his ashes at his favorite spot.

A river not explored

Something Jamie had on his agenda for this fall was to drive up the Smith River in search of places to fish from shore. I understand it's known for 'stripers', striped bass. 

Jamie didn't get to do that so I drove from the confluence with the Umpqua about 10 miles upstream. It's a beautiful river, and I witnessed lots of salmon jumping! 

Loving the Umpqua

Rivers were an integral part of who Jamie was, and of our shared life. The rivers on the Oregon Coast are among the most magnificent and one of the reasons we love it here. 

The Umpqua is undoubtedly Jamie's favorite. I took a little of him upriver yesterday. He should have been fishing the Umpqua right now, September 2023 😥.

Final Leg

The final leg of my Memory Pilgrimage took me to several places that Jamie dearly loved. 

The first stop was Cape Blanco State Park, where we frequently camped in our 5th-wheel RV. He discovered an old trail off a service road and we liked hiking out to the cliff along that trail - we never saw another person.

The view is breathtaking: wild and simultaneously peaceful. Jamie would sit silently at this picnic table and just absorb the beauty. I was delighted that the fog was rolling in! Jamie would have loved it so I left a bit of him there to enjoy through eternity.

Sixes River

 I hoped to hike out to the mouth of the Sixes River and the wildest beach you can imagine. 

This river has a very small entry to the ocean; the sand builds up over the summer and eventually blocks the channel almost completely and the river backs up to form a huge lake in the valley. When the fall rains start, the increased water flow eventually breaks open the sand dam and the wild salmon start upstream to their spawning grounds. Jamie had hoped we could fish from shore there this fall - would you believe gonzo anglers fly fish for salmon there?

Dang! The river lake was too high, blocking the path to the mouth and the ocean shore; I waded through flooded sections until I couldn't go any farther. But I released a handful of Jamie's ashes into the water where he would have shore fished.

Last Stop

Last stop of my Memory Pilgrimage was Agate Beach at Port Orford. This beach is within the Tseriadun State Recreation Site. 

The summer sea currents bring agates and other semi-precious stones down from the Elk River, just a few miles north. It is the very best agate beach on the Oregon Coast. The currents have already shifted and I found very few agates yesterday.

Jamie loved this place, often just standing quietly watching and listening to the ocean. I called him my 'old man and the sea'. 

The tide was coming in, with waves hitting this rock outcropping. I walked out onto the rocks and sent a bit of my sweet hubby out to sea.

Saying goodbye

This Memory Pilgrimage has been the most beautiful and the most difficult journey I have ever made. Bringing Jamie back to the places he loved so much, and had planned to spend time at this fall, just broke my heart. He was way too young, way too healthy, way too vital to have his life cut so short. He was not done, dammit! Saying goodbye to him was, and is, so painful.

I realize this junket was most likely also the last time I would visit these places that are so special to Jamie, to me, to us.  Goodbye South Oregon Coast 😥.

Thank you all for joining me. Thank you for your gentle support and caring.